I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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