I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
