Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
