Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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