very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
