he puts the penis in happiness.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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