I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
