i think i have herpe
just one?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
