Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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