are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
