3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I showed him my bush... on skype.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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