dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
