Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im holly from the hills drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
