just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
