I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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