i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
