I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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