You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
