Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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