my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
