i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
