I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
