Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just pee around me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
