Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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