We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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