areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
