I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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