apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
