so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
