I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
