U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
