Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
