I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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