he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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