So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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