theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
