how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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