I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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