Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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