chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
