She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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