The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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