theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
