I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
