She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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