I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
