dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
