do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
