remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
