My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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