You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Randomize
