glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
